A Christmas Letter from the Palmers


Yesterday, we got a Christmas card from the Dababnehs. It made me realize that we didn’t make any kind of Christmas document. So I will give a Christmas blog recount of our year.

Thunderdome called: they're missing a coat.


If calendars were not so ubiquitous, I would call this a long year. Much has happened: we chose a grad school, bought our first house, moved to Texas, Salem turned one, I managed to finish my first semester of grad school, and, let‘s not forget, I ate spaghetti for lunch yesterday. In all, I would call it a full year. Kaaryn and I have both worked like crazy all year.

Salem, doing her best Uncle Fester impression, on her first birthday.



We have also been busy with our church callings. Kaaryn is in the Primary Presidency, which is to say that she coordinates the teaching of children under the age of 12. I teach seminary at 5:50 AM two days one week and three days the next. I would include a picture of my class, but you can only see the tops of their heads at that hour. We are teaching the New Testament this year, which makes it easy on me.


These days Kaaryn is working for Maxim Healthcare. She does home health for sick children. She gets to work with the same people every week. She used to have to go to different houses every day. She likes the stability of knowing with whom she will work. I have really enjoyed working on Descant, the creative writing Journal published by TCU. It’s my job to read all of the fiction submissions and pass along whatever I think has merit. The whole outfit is run by three people. But I love the work and am very glad to pay my way through school with this. We will publish our journal in May, at which point anyone interested in quality fiction and poetry can pick one up for something like $12. I will keep everyone posted.

We were all working in the yard. One guess as to who was eating dirt (the answer may surprise you).


I was actually standing on my head in this one.



Salem is a joy, whenever she is not teething. When there is a tooth coming through, watch out. Otherwise, she is getting more and more independent. She spends her time crawling around and getting into trouble, kind of like Nero, but without animal costumes. She does a little bit of talking. Kaaryn swears she says “dog.” It sounds more like “Trojan Football” to me, but I could be mistaken. Most of you will see her very soon.

Salem last Christmas:


Salem this Christmas:


Next year should be much more of the same. School for me. Work for Kaaryn. Poop for Salem. Thanks for reading the blog. We will update when we return from Arizona. In the meantime, merry Christmas!

The dogs. Mojo weighed in at 78 pounds last week.

School is out, for now. I had a lot of work to finish in the last month. I just turned in about 75 pages worth of papers I've written for the end of the semester. I figure that I read all or part of about 25 books, and all of about 30-40 academic articles this semester. I plan on taking it easy for the next three weeks.

I thought, since I have been so bad about blogging as I was finishing the semester, I would make peace with the blogging world by sharing a little secret: I have recorded my entire life on video. Since I have been talking about school in this post, I will share a few videos from this semester.

I took a theory class this semester. We studied a range of literary theories. I have some segments from some of our classes. We began the semester with a study of Marxist theory:




A bit later, we did Feminist theory. I will admit, this one made me a bit nervous:



I also took a class that teaches students how to be good Administrators:



We all had that professor that was way too into the 60's. I'm afraid that I had that guy this semester:



And finally, I attended the convocation ceremonies. Something about this left me just a little unsettled:



I will get back soon.

Forgive my lack of blogging! I mean it. I have three large research papers due next week. I have been busy and uninteresting. Next week, I will blog better. In the meantime, enjoy some positive press for Pit Bulls.




I couldn't help but notice that they never mentioned the breed. And the hard head thing is quite true.

See you all in a week.

Happy Birthday to you....

We celebrated Salem's birthday last night and wanted to share some pictures. Because I work long hours I missed her actual birthday, but it worked out perfect because her grandparents could watch her open gifts and eat her birthday cake on-line last night.

As you can see she did have presents but really just wanted to talk on the phone


Salem just wants to be like daddy








Mojo helping with the clean up


All Clean?

Notice anything different about this baby?

She's one today. And you know what that means. . . only 17 more years until she's out of here! Then Kaaryn and I can pursue our dream of traveling the country on motorcycle and heckling Carrot Top at each and every one of his lousy performances.

I remember the day Salem was born. Mostly because I got to skip class. (Who says children only take?) But anyway, it was an unseasonably cool November 20^th in Phoenix, a brisk 80 degrees, if I recall. Kaaryn went in for a checkup and the Doctor insisted on inducing her, since it was very difficult to reschedule the Doctor's tee-time that weekend. Kaaryn called me while I was in class and left a voicemail asking me why I always left the car such a mess, and added that she was in labor. Since I was an English major, I had no car of my own. I called my Mom and ate Samurai Sam's while I waited for her to pick me up. If there is one thing about that day that has changed me forever, it is this: my chicken was quite dry, and the only remedy available was an overly salty soy sauce, the likes of which scar me to this day.

Salem was born at Paradise Valley Hospital. (Contrary to the myth, the bedpans are not solid gold in Paradise Valley. They are only gold plated and can be used as currency at most Jiffy Lube locations.) Kaaryn was not in labor very long. After having contractions for a couple of hours, and once coming quite near to punching the nurse, Kaaryn told the nurse she felt like she had to go to the bathroom. This is the great thing about being in labor: I tell Kaaryn many times a day about going to the bathroom, both before and after, both of the necessity and of the experience. But when you're in labor, people don't roll their eyes at you or turn up the volume on the TV. The nurse took a look at things, and surely enough, there was the top of Salem's bald head. Next thing you know, Salem is swaddled and screaming. It really seems like child birth is one of the more easy experiences of a woman's life. Seriously, who hasn't known a woman who could birth 8 children like that! but can't change a spare tire, or program a learning remote? (You can leave hate mail by clicking on the comments section.)

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Salem. It's fun to see how animated she is getting. She talks now. She has a vocabulary of about three words, or roughly the equivalent of local news. Her best word is “kitty.” Which at its best sounds like “Z Z” and at its worst most closely resembles certain dialects of Sanskrit. She is also a crawling fool. She has this sprint crawl where she gets going pretty fast. But before she can sprint she has to shout some sort of baby battle cry. We're not sure of it's a shout of joy, followed by a crawl toward the object of that joy, or if it's more akin to what a weight lifter does before heaving an Olympic-sized load over his head. It is enjoyable though.

It's been a good year with baby. We love her and wouldn't trade her for anything less than one of the non-leper Hawaiian islands. We got another camera, so enjoy some pictures.

The Blair Witch shot. Anyone remember that?


Salem gets fresh with Roxanne.



And gets a birthday kiss from Mojo.


Happiness in the crib.


Here is Salem showing off her elocution. You have to listen pretty closely, but she keeps saying "kitty" repeatedly.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
NOVEMBER 12, 2004



I LOVE YOU!


P.S Happy Birthday Scotty! We love and miss you very much!

I thought what with all the politics in the blogosphere these days, I would see if I couldn't update myself on the state of all things political. I was able to find and interview the average Liberal and the average conservative: Sunshine Granola, and Joe Sixpack. They were both kind enough to visit with me. I have transcribed our discussions for your enjoyment.

I caught up with Sunshine Granola, the average Liberal, in my local Whole Foods store. She was distributing a petition to jail SUV owners for crimes against humanity. Here's what she had to say:

Sunshine, you must be happy with the results of this week's election.

I sure am. History has shown that someone like Obama is needed in a time of crisis.

Would you care to fill us in on this history?

Sure. Here's all you need to know about history: mankind lived in caves as domestic partners, then FDR came and regulated the economy. The End.

You have been heard to blame current economic troubles on the free market. Would you care to elaborate.

Well, when Clinton was president, he established something of a Utopia. Then Bush came, deregulated the market, and now we live in Hell.

Are there any specific acts of deregulation for which you blame Bush?

Well, you know, it was mostly the (inaudible mumbling).

I'm sorry, I couldn't understand you.

Everything was great. Then Bush came into office and (more inaudible mumbling), and now everyone is worse off. It's all that laissez-fair nonsense.

And how exactly do you define laissez-fair?

It's really quite simple: laissez-fair is what Republicans do and that for which I blame them.

I can see you've thought this through. Could you please explain your views on abortion?

Sure. The government has absolutely no business with what we do with our bodies. That's why sex education is so important; so that government officials can tell us how to use our bodies. Naturally then, they should ignore the way we use them. Which is to say that they should tell us the proper way to use our reproductive capacities, knowing all along that they have no business in the way we use them. In short, the government must educate us on how to use our bodies, but has no business with what we do with our bodies.

Uh huh. Would you mind explaining your views on health care?

The government has a solemn responsibility to take care of our bodies, inside and out. There is nothing about the body or mind that should not be subject to government assistance and control.

Except, of course, the reproductive capacities.

Yea, sure. I haven't quite thought about that yet.

You have been vocal about the role of tolerance in society. Would you care to elaborate?

I think I speak for us all when I say that the one thing I simply cannot tolerate is intolerance.

Critics of the Democratic Party have noted that the 10^th amendment to the constitution doesn't allow for federal programs that are not explicitly stated in the constitution itself. How would you respond to that?

As you know, the 10th amendment was written in that nebulous part of history between primordial slime and The New Deal. Very little is known about that period other than mass starvation and general ickyness. I can tell you this much, if the 10^th amendment came from that era, we're all better off without it.

One last question: How do you respond to the criticism that your world view and philosophy, having their roots in renaissance humanism, are incapable of providing the foundation necessary to make moral generalizations, since the postmodern discourse on subjectivities disallows hierarchies pertaining to cultural emphases on morality, and you are basing your ideas off of a Judeo-Christian belief in human culpability and a Utopian ideal that assumes a level of culpability in man and yet a moral void nature, also borrowed from a Judeo-Christian tradition which you ostensibly reject?

(At this point, Granola stormed off and called me a hate-filled bigot. It concluded our interview.)

As luck would have it, I also managed to bump into Joe Sixpack, the average conservative. I found him coming out of church with his mistress (his wife being away shooting at wildlife while parasailing.)

Joe, you have expressed disappointment with the nomination of McCain. But you still voted for him. Why was that?

Running the country isn't all that hard. We really just need someone to hold down the fort until Jesus comes back and disenfranchises all of the liberals. That, and I got this email, and it said that Obama's a socialist, a Muslim, and (he whispered this) a black man. We can't have a Muslim in office. We need someone there to protect religious freedom and tolerance.

It's good to see you have a plan. You say you are against socialism? But you send your children to a socialist school system without complaining. Is there any inconsistency there?

The school system couldn't possibly be socialist; John McCain never told me to be against it.

Well said. What do you believe the role of religion should be in government?

All I got to say is, if saying you love Jesus is enough to get into heaven, shouldn't be it enough to get my vote?

You have been very vocal about your love for America. However, you have also been very vocal about your dislike for the %52 of Americans who voted Democratic this election. Is it the case that you love America halfway, or is your love for the 48% of America strong enough to overcome your animosity for the majority?

(Here Joe removed two small American flags from his pockets, crammed them into his ears and sang “God Bless America” until he saw my lips stop moving).

Welcome back. Could you explain your philosophy about governmental economic regulation.

It's really simple. The government should never, ever regulate the market. . . except for the Federal Reserve. . . the FDIC. . . the SEC, the FCC, Sarbanes-Oxley, OSHA, (here he paused to think for a moment). . . breaking up labor unions, immigration McCain-Feingold, the Community Reinvestment Act, tax breaks for home owners and other middle class tax advantages, business licenses, HMOs, certification of professionals, oh yeah and taxes, don't forget taxes . . . Shall I keep going?

I think I get the point. But aren't these things regulations?

That's impossible; McCain never told me to be against these either. Except for when McCain doesn't tell me to hate it, government regulation is bad. Welfare too.

Exactly how should one deregulate the economy?

We mostly just talk about Ronald Regan. That seems to do the trick.

Tell me more about welfare.

Welfare is immoral. It is simply wrong to take money from one person and give it to another. That's why welfare money should only be given to businesses. Unless, of course, I happen to need it. Welfare leads to crime. Bad crime, the ones that hurt middle class people like me, not good crime, like Oliver North or torture.

You see a difference between good crime and bad crime?

You betcha! Bad crime is done by people. Good crime is done by the government. You gotta have laws, but you can't expect the people that make the laws to obey them. That would be unpatriotic. The constitution may be divinely inspired, but it's still just a piece of paper, like the Bible. And, like the Bible, if it speaks against you, you just appoint a judge to tell you that it says what you want to hear.

I fail to see the difference.

(At this point, Joe reminded me that, since he was saved, he could kill me and it would make no difference. Thus ended our interview.)

TCU vs. BYU

I have never seen so many children at a football game. It must be BYU! I especially loved seeing the "loud guy" with a baby strapped to his chest. We had a great time at the TCU/BYU football game Matt and I went with some friends from our ward who are all BYU fans and since Matt is going to TCU we had to be loyal. I wore purple and Matt wore his TCU hat in the mist of navy blue. We are all still friends in the end but we went home a bit happier or I hope we are still friends. They did boo at us. Thanks Barb for putting it all together! Also for the pictures which I stole from facebook:)Rematch next year!

You might be wondering where the posts have been lately. If so, I will now explain. (If you have been wondering anything else you will find yourself somewhat disappointed). My mom and the kids came to town last week. During all of the fun and excitement we lost our camera. Thus, I have no pictures to share with everyone. And when there are no pictures, nobody reads the blog. And since nobody is reading this blog right now, I could say anything I wanted and nobody would know. Which is why I am now declaring that I have passed legislation to outlaw Canada and bombing will begin promptly. Wait, that's already been done. Never mind.

Anyhow, since the only people still here are those who actually read stuff, I thought I would offer you something special. I have been reading all kinds of interesting things for class of late. At the end of the semester, I plan to make some copies of things (authors all dead) and mail it to people I believe might find it worthwhile, and some who will have no choice in the matter. So, if you're interested in learning more about language, persuasion, and society as a whole, send me your address and I will get you some good stuff come December. I'll be sending some good articles from the likes of Kenneth Burke, Wayne Boothe, Michel Foucault, Richard (Dream) Weaver, and others. Just promise you'll read it so I'm not wasting my time and money. If send your address in the next 20 minutes, I'll even throw in one of my seminar papers, just in case you ever have trouble sleeping. You can email me your address for privacy: haybucker@gmail.com

In the mean time, I'll try to woo readers without the aid of pictures.

Mojo Update.

Mojo is 7 ½ months now. I took him to the vet last week to get some shots and make sure he knew who is boss around here (Kaaryn). He's weighing in at 70 lbs now. I'm not sure when he is supposed to stop growing. But it looks like he'll be pushing 80-90 lbs before he's done. Enjoy some pictures of Mo.

Mojo at the vet. They had just finished putting things in every orifice, sticking him with countless needles, and a failed attempt to cajole him into providing a stool sample. This is all that was left of him.



You looking at Mo?


Mojo is perfect with Salem. They love to play and he's very gentle with her. He always waits for her to come out of the bath.



Here's one for all of you 'pit bulls are dangerous' types out there.




These last two posts got me thinking: in what ways are dogs better than babies? I was able to come up with a few answers.

Babies mess the floor. Dogs clean the floor, except on rare occasions. But even then, if the dogs poop in the house, I don't have to wipe their butts.

Dogs are spayed and neutered. I don't ever have to worry about who they're humping.

I don't get grossed out when the dogs eat dog food off the floor.

The dogs don't bite as hard. And they don't think it's funny when they do.

Mojo isn't even 8 months old, and he's almost through puberty.

My dogs listen when I tell them to stop barking.

The dogs clean up their own vomit.

My neighbors don't call the police when I beat my dogs.

Not much going on here. I am terribly busy with school. Kaaryn is terribly busy with baby. Salem is developing into quite a handful. She is a charismatic and sassy as can be. Her favorite game is to pester her parents until they snap. Then we yell. She laughs and points at us. Enjoy some pictures.


She took a dump in her bathtub. I, for one, can't wait until she starts dating.




Athos is very tolerant. Look close and see a tiny fist full of fur.



She was playing with the shaving cream in the bath. Her aim is dead on.



You ever get that feeling you're being watched?



Baby scraps for scraps with the dogs.

To John Madden of Football, Broadcasting, and Video Game fame:

I am afraid, Dear John, that I now write you a Dear John. I remember when we first met. It was '95 and you were just a little cartridge in my Sega Genesis. You had not learned of pass interference then and I took sore advantage of you with Rod Woodson. I would push your wide receivers and somehow leap fifteen or so yards for an interception. You were so naive. I was so cruel. But, somehow, we worked it out in those days of the dawn of our time together.

(Things started so well. But we were both young and foolish.)

Then there was that time about the year 1999 when my wandering lusts cast you aside and sought fulfillment in another. Along came a younger, sexier, more fun version of you named 2K sports. It came in disc form, and I had a Sega Dreamcast. It was exciting at first, but it just felt wrong. I played 2K furiously and, for a while, I didn't miss you. But, you won out. When you found out what was happening to your market share, you killed the Dreamcast and bought exclusive rights to NFL trademarked material. I have always begrudged this of you, but we made up and reunited.

(I wasn't proud of 2K. But I don't regret it.)

Then there were those glorious days of Wii Madden. I remember how we made a mockery of defenses with Reggie Bush. The thrill of buttonless passing. The sound of Hoss throwing his controller in rage. I thought those days would never end. We both know too well that they did. Even when things seemed perfect, we could not get past our problems. There was your random holding calls, your moody receivers dropping balls with no explanation. And then you came out with '08. I thought I'd never forgive you.

(I don't blame you for stopping the Bush era. I blame your faulty programming.)

But I gave you one last chance. You cajoled me into buying '09 with sweet talk of improved physics. You said that you would no longer sack my quarterback two seconds after I've pushed the pass button. You told me that I would not be magnetically sealed to blockers (Madnetic blocking, as I have been wont to call it). I was promised the world . . . and given New Jersey. Sure there was gang tackling, and your graphics were improved. But your linebackers jump four feet into the air for interceptions. Your defensive ends run 4.2 40s. Cris Collensworth's commentary makes me want to punch my dog. And I still can't see my wide receivers. But, still I played you, or rather you me. And, like a battered spouse, I excused you and kept coming back for more. But no more! I am leaving you, Madden '09. I've met this sexy new game, Rock Band 2. Rock Band treats me right. Rock Band makes me feel wanted. Rock band drives a convertible and lives in a condo.

(Your heart is colder than the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field.)

The time is now, Madden '09. Consider this my last goodbye: Boom!

I would like to congratulate myself on officially becoming an elitist. I volunteered for write an opinion column for the TCU Daily Skiff, which is the school newspaper at Texas Christian. I've been known to have an opinion from time to time, so I thought I might make a good match for the position. I should be contributing one every week or so. So, if you're interested, I will keep a link in our blogroll, and you can check. Otherwise, you've probably heard the last of this column. I would like to add, that I did not provide the title found online.

In order to pay my tuition at school, I work as an associate editor for Descant, which is the department's creative writing journal. My duties are to do some clerical stuff, but the bulk of my time is reading short stories and telling the editor which ones I find worthy of his more discerning eyes. I really enjoy and am very glad for the experience. Today, when I went to work at Descant, I managed to get some pictures of the area around the University Union. I will get some pictures of the other half of campus next week. I am down that way during classes.

Here is the Union from outside the courtyard. This will make sense in a few pictures.



This is looking from the Union to the football stadium.


Looking from the Union across the courtyard. The far building houses the English Department, my home away from home. They are building a new academic building between the fountain and the building I just pointed out.


The courtyard from the fountain, looking at the Union. The building to either side are dorms. This is the heart of campus. It is very nice and very well planned.



This is just outside the building where the English Department is. Notice the jumbo Horned Frog.



Here is the lawn near my building. Perhaps this is one picture too many.

Sorry, all, for being neglectful. School has started and it has kept me exceedingly busy. I am now in my third week at TCU. I do enjoy it. Having come from a public school, I've noticed a few things different about going to a private school.

1. Everything is for sale at TCU. Even the hallways are named after wealthy donors. I believe, for about ten grand, you can get a placard with your name on it fixed above a urinal.

2. More flowers. The blooms follow the bucks.

3. The profanity on the men's room stalls is less frequent and less severe.

4. About $20,000 a year.

Those are about all the differences I can name off the top of my head. I will post soon with pictures of TCU (which is beautiful, I must add). I also have some great video of Salem dancing, which I predict you're going to enjoy. So check back soon. I promise I won't continue to neglect.

Seattle and Phoenix- Girls Weekend!

Salem and I had an excellent weekend in Seattle. Although Salem screamed and didn't sleep much I did enjoy finally meeting friends from my childhood. My parents moved to California and joined the Air Force when I was a baby.There they met Allison and her family. Christie (her daughter) is 2 years older than me and lives here in Fort Worth. Her wedding was this weekend in Seattle. Salem and I flew to Phoenix picked up my mom and off we went to Seattle. Allison lives about 30 minutes from Seattle in Bonney Lake. (Pictures Below) It was wonderful to finally meet her family, visit the temple, and enjoy the beautiful weather. Next time Salem is staying home! Thanks Mom for taking us:)

Lift Off


We stopped in Phoenix to pick up Mom. Ashley joined us for dinner

Lauren and Katie also joined us for dinner

How could Salem be afraid of this face?

SEATTLE

The view from Allison's Home- She lives in Bonney Lake but lives on Mary Jane Lake. Mount Rainier is in the distance

Salem- A Rare happy moment with her new friend Kaylee

Salem and Kaaryn enjoy getting their toes done


Christie and Allison- Bridal Shower

Seattle Temple- Although the temple was beautiful I enjoyed the grounds. I believe in this picture the temple is undergoing repairs. Congrats Christie!