Notice anything different about this baby?

She's one today. And you know what that means. . . only 17 more years until she's out of here! Then Kaaryn and I can pursue our dream of traveling the country on motorcycle and heckling Carrot Top at each and every one of his lousy performances.

I remember the day Salem was born. Mostly because I got to skip class. (Who says children only take?) But anyway, it was an unseasonably cool November 20^th in Phoenix, a brisk 80 degrees, if I recall. Kaaryn went in for a checkup and the Doctor insisted on inducing her, since it was very difficult to reschedule the Doctor's tee-time that weekend. Kaaryn called me while I was in class and left a voicemail asking me why I always left the car such a mess, and added that she was in labor. Since I was an English major, I had no car of my own. I called my Mom and ate Samurai Sam's while I waited for her to pick me up. If there is one thing about that day that has changed me forever, it is this: my chicken was quite dry, and the only remedy available was an overly salty soy sauce, the likes of which scar me to this day.

Salem was born at Paradise Valley Hospital. (Contrary to the myth, the bedpans are not solid gold in Paradise Valley. They are only gold plated and can be used as currency at most Jiffy Lube locations.) Kaaryn was not in labor very long. After having contractions for a couple of hours, and once coming quite near to punching the nurse, Kaaryn told the nurse she felt like she had to go to the bathroom. This is the great thing about being in labor: I tell Kaaryn many times a day about going to the bathroom, both before and after, both of the necessity and of the experience. But when you're in labor, people don't roll their eyes at you or turn up the volume on the TV. The nurse took a look at things, and surely enough, there was the top of Salem's bald head. Next thing you know, Salem is swaddled and screaming. It really seems like child birth is one of the more easy experiences of a woman's life. Seriously, who hasn't known a woman who could birth 8 children like that! but can't change a spare tire, or program a learning remote? (You can leave hate mail by clicking on the comments section.)

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Salem. It's fun to see how animated she is getting. She talks now. She has a vocabulary of about three words, or roughly the equivalent of local news. Her best word is “kitty.” Which at its best sounds like “Z Z” and at its worst most closely resembles certain dialects of Sanskrit. She is also a crawling fool. She has this sprint crawl where she gets going pretty fast. But before she can sprint she has to shout some sort of baby battle cry. We're not sure of it's a shout of joy, followed by a crawl toward the object of that joy, or if it's more akin to what a weight lifter does before heaving an Olympic-sized load over his head. It is enjoyable though.

It's been a good year with baby. We love her and wouldn't trade her for anything less than one of the non-leper Hawaiian islands. We got another camera, so enjoy some pictures.

The Blair Witch shot. Anyone remember that?


Salem gets fresh with Roxanne.



And gets a birthday kiss from Mojo.


Happiness in the crib.


Here is Salem showing off her elocution. You have to listen pretty closely, but she keeps saying "kitty" repeatedly.