Sorry for the quick post. Salem was born today at 6:45 PM. I came home to grab some stuff and wanted to post so everyone could see. She was 5 pounds 13 ounces, 19 inches long, and slimey indeed. Here is a picture and a video of the birth (don't worry, Hoss, it's watchable). Stay tuned, I'll post more when I can.

I’m not sure if all are aware, but there are several entrepreneurs in the family these days. I recently learned that Yelena started a business that sells pain relief technology. And I’ll tell you what, nobody has tapped the ancient wisdom of the Chinese this well since Quentin Tarantino. Nolan and Missy started a business offering various gift card and business card-like products. (They both have websites. I’ll give links, if anyone wants to see.) Along these lines, it hasn’t been too long since Tanya Palmer earned her license in gemology. With that in mind, Tanya, you’re no longer allowed to look at Kaaryn’s wedding ring.

I’ve always admired entrepreneurs, so this got me thinking. Spencer and Ann’s blog had this thing that tells one what celebrities they look like. So I says to myself, “Self, why should we stop there?” Inspired by the entrepreneurial spirit, (J.D. Rockefeller, to be exact), I spent my lunchbreak writing some groundbreaking software that will revolutionize the world of celebrity look-alike conjecture. My software will tell you, not who you already look like, but who your children will look like when they are fully grown. To make this happen, I take your child’s photo and run it against a database of over ten billion celebrities. From there, it’s a secret. All I can tell you is that my software uses the most cutting edge algorithms, logarithms, mysticisms, and funkyrhythms. To prove that it works, I’ve posted a video showing the results for the tests on Kaaryn’s siblings and my siblings. I’m still trying to get some of the kinks worked out. But, if you ask me, I’d say it looks pretty accurate. Check it out.

http://highlandmarketingsolutions.com/ Nolan and Missy

http://naturalpainreliefpads.com/ Yelena

Good news. I’ve confirmed that this blog now has at least 5 readers. This may sound paltry to some, but put into terms of television audience, I would rate somewhat below the WNBA finals, and significantly higher than Katie Couric. All I do now is wait for the corporate fat-cats to call with a sack of money.

Anyhow, I have been told that this blog has committed a most serious family-blog faux pas. No pictures. And so to rectify this gravest of errors, I offer some photos of the fam as it is.

Here we are at Dodger Stadium this August. (Jon, Kaaryn, and Matt Palmer not pictured)

Here we are at Disneyland, same trip.

(If you look really hard, you can see Walt Disney's ghost hassling a vacationing Jewish family)

This is me, just after midterms.

This is Athos, the best cat there ever was.

I hope this entry will sate the appetite for pictures for now. Stay tuned.

Hello, and welcome to the inaugural posting of our family blog.

So, as to give credit in such a manner as to be consistent with the old proverb, I was inspired by Raysha’s new family blog to start this one. I begin this with very little idea about what to write. So, if there is anything I don’t mention any of you would like to know, just ask.

The biggest news right now is, of course, Kaaryn. She is currently 8 ½ months pregnant, and 9 ¾ months testy. She is due November 22nd, Thanksgiving day, or as it’s known to most, the day USC plays ASU. Hopefully the baby comes a day or two early or late, because I have bigger fish to fry that Thursday (a public Scum Devil flogging by the Trojans to be precise). If any don’t know yet, the baby is a girl. We’ve chosen the name Salem for various reasons and have been the recipients of a moderate amount of lip since. All of it has fallen on deaf ears (We‘re looking your way, Penny). When Salem comes, I’ll be sure to post pictures and whatnot. In the meantime, we’re all waiting.

I will graduate from ASU in December with a BA in English with an emphasis in Literature. Unknown to most, to simply major in English is impossible. Typically, students must choose an emphasis. Most colleges have emphasis in Literature, Linguistics, and Creative Writing. I will explain. The Creative Writing folk seem to be overly nostalgic about their high school days. This can be seen in two ways: first, they chose to spend an additional four years in school learning nothing and will graduate with roughly the amount of skills necessary to wait tables or burglarize pawnshops; second, judging by the quality of their writing, they still assume that other people care about them, when it is clearly not the case. The Linguistics people are the nerds of the department. I know that the pot and the kettle are considered equally black, but you’ll have to trust me on this. Linguists spend most of their time inventing new rules for grammar, just so they have something to correct in others’ speech, and cataloging the evolution of the way swear words are scratched into bathroom stalls. Thus Literature Studies becomes the least ugly girl at the dance, not attractive by her own merits, only by the juxtaposition with lesser beings. Literature Studies may seem superfluous at first glance, but I assure you that there is great worth in writing lengthy articles that no one will read about the myriad ways Shakespeare mentioned syphilis in his plays (there actually is a field of scholarship devoted to this, seriously). Literature students graduate and set out to change the world. Mostly by lobbying for the legalization of hemp for all of its many uses, not the least of which is rope-making. And after they’ve given up on social reform, they usually end up in grad school. Which brings me to my next item.

I am currently applying to grad schools. However, I am not applying to Literature schools. I am applying to study Rhetoric and Composition. This is another appendage of English departments, but is not listed above because an undergraduate degree in RhetComp is typically not offered. Rhetoric and Composition focuses on the creation and dissemination of meaning. It’s really fun stuff. I want to get a PhD. That takes about six years, depending on the program. I am applying to the following schools in order of my desire to attend: Carnegie Mellon (Pittsburgh), Texas Christian (Fort Worth), Pittsburgh (Pittsburgh), Arizona (Tucson), Wisconsin-Milwaukee (Milwaukee), Purdue (West Lafayette, Indiana), and Illinois (Champaign). I have no idea where I’ll get accepted, or if. Admission is competitive, so we just have to wait and see. I already took the GRE and did tolerably well, so I hope that doesn’t get in the way. Applications are due in December, for the most part. The programs say that they answer applicants by March or April. So until then, I won’t know anything.

If you’re as tired of reading at this point as I am of writing, then I’d say this is a good place to stop for now. Stay tuned. I have plenty more about which to blog.