HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
NOVEMBER 12, 2004



I LOVE YOU!


P.S Happy Birthday Scotty! We love and miss you very much!

I thought what with all the politics in the blogosphere these days, I would see if I couldn't update myself on the state of all things political. I was able to find and interview the average Liberal and the average conservative: Sunshine Granola, and Joe Sixpack. They were both kind enough to visit with me. I have transcribed our discussions for your enjoyment.

I caught up with Sunshine Granola, the average Liberal, in my local Whole Foods store. She was distributing a petition to jail SUV owners for crimes against humanity. Here's what she had to say:

Sunshine, you must be happy with the results of this week's election.

I sure am. History has shown that someone like Obama is needed in a time of crisis.

Would you care to fill us in on this history?

Sure. Here's all you need to know about history: mankind lived in caves as domestic partners, then FDR came and regulated the economy. The End.

You have been heard to blame current economic troubles on the free market. Would you care to elaborate.

Well, when Clinton was president, he established something of a Utopia. Then Bush came, deregulated the market, and now we live in Hell.

Are there any specific acts of deregulation for which you blame Bush?

Well, you know, it was mostly the (inaudible mumbling).

I'm sorry, I couldn't understand you.

Everything was great. Then Bush came into office and (more inaudible mumbling), and now everyone is worse off. It's all that laissez-fair nonsense.

And how exactly do you define laissez-fair?

It's really quite simple: laissez-fair is what Republicans do and that for which I blame them.

I can see you've thought this through. Could you please explain your views on abortion?

Sure. The government has absolutely no business with what we do with our bodies. That's why sex education is so important; so that government officials can tell us how to use our bodies. Naturally then, they should ignore the way we use them. Which is to say that they should tell us the proper way to use our reproductive capacities, knowing all along that they have no business in the way we use them. In short, the government must educate us on how to use our bodies, but has no business with what we do with our bodies.

Uh huh. Would you mind explaining your views on health care?

The government has a solemn responsibility to take care of our bodies, inside and out. There is nothing about the body or mind that should not be subject to government assistance and control.

Except, of course, the reproductive capacities.

Yea, sure. I haven't quite thought about that yet.

You have been vocal about the role of tolerance in society. Would you care to elaborate?

I think I speak for us all when I say that the one thing I simply cannot tolerate is intolerance.

Critics of the Democratic Party have noted that the 10^th amendment to the constitution doesn't allow for federal programs that are not explicitly stated in the constitution itself. How would you respond to that?

As you know, the 10th amendment was written in that nebulous part of history between primordial slime and The New Deal. Very little is known about that period other than mass starvation and general ickyness. I can tell you this much, if the 10^th amendment came from that era, we're all better off without it.

One last question: How do you respond to the criticism that your world view and philosophy, having their roots in renaissance humanism, are incapable of providing the foundation necessary to make moral generalizations, since the postmodern discourse on subjectivities disallows hierarchies pertaining to cultural emphases on morality, and you are basing your ideas off of a Judeo-Christian belief in human culpability and a Utopian ideal that assumes a level of culpability in man and yet a moral void nature, also borrowed from a Judeo-Christian tradition which you ostensibly reject?

(At this point, Granola stormed off and called me a hate-filled bigot. It concluded our interview.)

As luck would have it, I also managed to bump into Joe Sixpack, the average conservative. I found him coming out of church with his mistress (his wife being away shooting at wildlife while parasailing.)

Joe, you have expressed disappointment with the nomination of McCain. But you still voted for him. Why was that?

Running the country isn't all that hard. We really just need someone to hold down the fort until Jesus comes back and disenfranchises all of the liberals. That, and I got this email, and it said that Obama's a socialist, a Muslim, and (he whispered this) a black man. We can't have a Muslim in office. We need someone there to protect religious freedom and tolerance.

It's good to see you have a plan. You say you are against socialism? But you send your children to a socialist school system without complaining. Is there any inconsistency there?

The school system couldn't possibly be socialist; John McCain never told me to be against it.

Well said. What do you believe the role of religion should be in government?

All I got to say is, if saying you love Jesus is enough to get into heaven, shouldn't be it enough to get my vote?

You have been very vocal about your love for America. However, you have also been very vocal about your dislike for the %52 of Americans who voted Democratic this election. Is it the case that you love America halfway, or is your love for the 48% of America strong enough to overcome your animosity for the majority?

(Here Joe removed two small American flags from his pockets, crammed them into his ears and sang “God Bless America” until he saw my lips stop moving).

Welcome back. Could you explain your philosophy about governmental economic regulation.

It's really simple. The government should never, ever regulate the market. . . except for the Federal Reserve. . . the FDIC. . . the SEC, the FCC, Sarbanes-Oxley, OSHA, (here he paused to think for a moment). . . breaking up labor unions, immigration McCain-Feingold, the Community Reinvestment Act, tax breaks for home owners and other middle class tax advantages, business licenses, HMOs, certification of professionals, oh yeah and taxes, don't forget taxes . . . Shall I keep going?

I think I get the point. But aren't these things regulations?

That's impossible; McCain never told me to be against these either. Except for when McCain doesn't tell me to hate it, government regulation is bad. Welfare too.

Exactly how should one deregulate the economy?

We mostly just talk about Ronald Regan. That seems to do the trick.

Tell me more about welfare.

Welfare is immoral. It is simply wrong to take money from one person and give it to another. That's why welfare money should only be given to businesses. Unless, of course, I happen to need it. Welfare leads to crime. Bad crime, the ones that hurt middle class people like me, not good crime, like Oliver North or torture.

You see a difference between good crime and bad crime?

You betcha! Bad crime is done by people. Good crime is done by the government. You gotta have laws, but you can't expect the people that make the laws to obey them. That would be unpatriotic. The constitution may be divinely inspired, but it's still just a piece of paper, like the Bible. And, like the Bible, if it speaks against you, you just appoint a judge to tell you that it says what you want to hear.

I fail to see the difference.

(At this point, Joe reminded me that, since he was saved, he could kill me and it would make no difference. Thus ended our interview.)

TCU vs. BYU

I have never seen so many children at a football game. It must be BYU! I especially loved seeing the "loud guy" with a baby strapped to his chest. We had a great time at the TCU/BYU football game Matt and I went with some friends from our ward who are all BYU fans and since Matt is going to TCU we had to be loyal. I wore purple and Matt wore his TCU hat in the mist of navy blue. We are all still friends in the end but we went home a bit happier or I hope we are still friends. They did boo at us. Thanks Barb for putting it all together! Also for the pictures which I stole from facebook:)Rematch next year!

You might be wondering where the posts have been lately. If so, I will now explain. (If you have been wondering anything else you will find yourself somewhat disappointed). My mom and the kids came to town last week. During all of the fun and excitement we lost our camera. Thus, I have no pictures to share with everyone. And when there are no pictures, nobody reads the blog. And since nobody is reading this blog right now, I could say anything I wanted and nobody would know. Which is why I am now declaring that I have passed legislation to outlaw Canada and bombing will begin promptly. Wait, that's already been done. Never mind.

Anyhow, since the only people still here are those who actually read stuff, I thought I would offer you something special. I have been reading all kinds of interesting things for class of late. At the end of the semester, I plan to make some copies of things (authors all dead) and mail it to people I believe might find it worthwhile, and some who will have no choice in the matter. So, if you're interested in learning more about language, persuasion, and society as a whole, send me your address and I will get you some good stuff come December. I'll be sending some good articles from the likes of Kenneth Burke, Wayne Boothe, Michel Foucault, Richard (Dream) Weaver, and others. Just promise you'll read it so I'm not wasting my time and money. If send your address in the next 20 minutes, I'll even throw in one of my seminar papers, just in case you ever have trouble sleeping. You can email me your address for privacy: haybucker@gmail.com

In the mean time, I'll try to woo readers without the aid of pictures.

Mojo Update.

Mojo is 7 ½ months now. I took him to the vet last week to get some shots and make sure he knew who is boss around here (Kaaryn). He's weighing in at 70 lbs now. I'm not sure when he is supposed to stop growing. But it looks like he'll be pushing 80-90 lbs before he's done. Enjoy some pictures of Mo.

Mojo at the vet. They had just finished putting things in every orifice, sticking him with countless needles, and a failed attempt to cajole him into providing a stool sample. This is all that was left of him.



You looking at Mo?


Mojo is perfect with Salem. They love to play and he's very gentle with her. He always waits for her to come out of the bath.



Here's one for all of you 'pit bulls are dangerous' types out there.




These last two posts got me thinking: in what ways are dogs better than babies? I was able to come up with a few answers.

Babies mess the floor. Dogs clean the floor, except on rare occasions. But even then, if the dogs poop in the house, I don't have to wipe their butts.

Dogs are spayed and neutered. I don't ever have to worry about who they're humping.

I don't get grossed out when the dogs eat dog food off the floor.

The dogs don't bite as hard. And they don't think it's funny when they do.

Mojo isn't even 8 months old, and he's almost through puberty.

My dogs listen when I tell them to stop barking.

The dogs clean up their own vomit.

My neighbors don't call the police when I beat my dogs.

Not much going on here. I am terribly busy with school. Kaaryn is terribly busy with baby. Salem is developing into quite a handful. She is a charismatic and sassy as can be. Her favorite game is to pester her parents until they snap. Then we yell. She laughs and points at us. Enjoy some pictures.


She took a dump in her bathtub. I, for one, can't wait until she starts dating.




Athos is very tolerant. Look close and see a tiny fist full of fur.



She was playing with the shaving cream in the bath. Her aim is dead on.



You ever get that feeling you're being watched?



Baby scraps for scraps with the dogs.

To John Madden of Football, Broadcasting, and Video Game fame:

I am afraid, Dear John, that I now write you a Dear John. I remember when we first met. It was '95 and you were just a little cartridge in my Sega Genesis. You had not learned of pass interference then and I took sore advantage of you with Rod Woodson. I would push your wide receivers and somehow leap fifteen or so yards for an interception. You were so naive. I was so cruel. But, somehow, we worked it out in those days of the dawn of our time together.

(Things started so well. But we were both young and foolish.)

Then there was that time about the year 1999 when my wandering lusts cast you aside and sought fulfillment in another. Along came a younger, sexier, more fun version of you named 2K sports. It came in disc form, and I had a Sega Dreamcast. It was exciting at first, but it just felt wrong. I played 2K furiously and, for a while, I didn't miss you. But, you won out. When you found out what was happening to your market share, you killed the Dreamcast and bought exclusive rights to NFL trademarked material. I have always begrudged this of you, but we made up and reunited.

(I wasn't proud of 2K. But I don't regret it.)

Then there were those glorious days of Wii Madden. I remember how we made a mockery of defenses with Reggie Bush. The thrill of buttonless passing. The sound of Hoss throwing his controller in rage. I thought those days would never end. We both know too well that they did. Even when things seemed perfect, we could not get past our problems. There was your random holding calls, your moody receivers dropping balls with no explanation. And then you came out with '08. I thought I'd never forgive you.

(I don't blame you for stopping the Bush era. I blame your faulty programming.)

But I gave you one last chance. You cajoled me into buying '09 with sweet talk of improved physics. You said that you would no longer sack my quarterback two seconds after I've pushed the pass button. You told me that I would not be magnetically sealed to blockers (Madnetic blocking, as I have been wont to call it). I was promised the world . . . and given New Jersey. Sure there was gang tackling, and your graphics were improved. But your linebackers jump four feet into the air for interceptions. Your defensive ends run 4.2 40s. Cris Collensworth's commentary makes me want to punch my dog. And I still can't see my wide receivers. But, still I played you, or rather you me. And, like a battered spouse, I excused you and kept coming back for more. But no more! I am leaving you, Madden '09. I've met this sexy new game, Rock Band 2. Rock Band treats me right. Rock Band makes me feel wanted. Rock band drives a convertible and lives in a condo.

(Your heart is colder than the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field.)

The time is now, Madden '09. Consider this my last goodbye: Boom!

I would like to congratulate myself on officially becoming an elitist. I volunteered for write an opinion column for the TCU Daily Skiff, which is the school newspaper at Texas Christian. I've been known to have an opinion from time to time, so I thought I might make a good match for the position. I should be contributing one every week or so. So, if you're interested, I will keep a link in our blogroll, and you can check. Otherwise, you've probably heard the last of this column. I would like to add, that I did not provide the title found online.

In order to pay my tuition at school, I work as an associate editor for Descant, which is the department's creative writing journal. My duties are to do some clerical stuff, but the bulk of my time is reading short stories and telling the editor which ones I find worthy of his more discerning eyes. I really enjoy and am very glad for the experience. Today, when I went to work at Descant, I managed to get some pictures of the area around the University Union. I will get some pictures of the other half of campus next week. I am down that way during classes.

Here is the Union from outside the courtyard. This will make sense in a few pictures.



This is looking from the Union to the football stadium.


Looking from the Union across the courtyard. The far building houses the English Department, my home away from home. They are building a new academic building between the fountain and the building I just pointed out.


The courtyard from the fountain, looking at the Union. The building to either side are dorms. This is the heart of campus. It is very nice and very well planned.



This is just outside the building where the English Department is. Notice the jumbo Horned Frog.



Here is the lawn near my building. Perhaps this is one picture too many.

Sorry, all, for being neglectful. School has started and it has kept me exceedingly busy. I am now in my third week at TCU. I do enjoy it. Having come from a public school, I've noticed a few things different about going to a private school.

1. Everything is for sale at TCU. Even the hallways are named after wealthy donors. I believe, for about ten grand, you can get a placard with your name on it fixed above a urinal.

2. More flowers. The blooms follow the bucks.

3. The profanity on the men's room stalls is less frequent and less severe.

4. About $20,000 a year.

Those are about all the differences I can name off the top of my head. I will post soon with pictures of TCU (which is beautiful, I must add). I also have some great video of Salem dancing, which I predict you're going to enjoy. So check back soon. I promise I won't continue to neglect.

Seattle and Phoenix- Girls Weekend!

Salem and I had an excellent weekend in Seattle. Although Salem screamed and didn't sleep much I did enjoy finally meeting friends from my childhood. My parents moved to California and joined the Air Force when I was a baby.There they met Allison and her family. Christie (her daughter) is 2 years older than me and lives here in Fort Worth. Her wedding was this weekend in Seattle. Salem and I flew to Phoenix picked up my mom and off we went to Seattle. Allison lives about 30 minutes from Seattle in Bonney Lake. (Pictures Below) It was wonderful to finally meet her family, visit the temple, and enjoy the beautiful weather. Next time Salem is staying home! Thanks Mom for taking us:)

Lift Off


We stopped in Phoenix to pick up Mom. Ashley joined us for dinner

Lauren and Katie also joined us for dinner

How could Salem be afraid of this face?

SEATTLE

The view from Allison's Home- She lives in Bonney Lake but lives on Mary Jane Lake. Mount Rainier is in the distance

Salem- A Rare happy moment with her new friend Kaylee

Salem and Kaaryn enjoy getting their toes done


Christie and Allison- Bridal Shower

Seattle Temple- Although the temple was beautiful I enjoyed the grounds. I believe in this picture the temple is undergoing repairs. Congrats Christie!